The Breaking News [ written back in 2006 ]

[ written back in 2006 ]
No, I won't sign, she said adamantly.
The Safe paradise Nagar residents association is preparing a mass petition signed by its women residents, to submit before State Home Minister, pleading non-biased, speedy case investigation on the rape of a 19 year college girl, a resident of this nagar, by her lover and class mates. She was invited to his residence under the pretext of his birthday party and was gang raped.
Her lover; son of a bureaucrat turned wealthy-affluent businessman; made the case investigation stagnated.
I went inside to fix a drink for me.
My wife furiously talked aloud; No, President, her mother is fully responsible for it.
all of you might be aware of that many a friend visiting her even at odd hours.
.........................................
Are you saying this has no relevance?
Self-Discipline has no relevance?
She is a self confessed libertine, and her daughter tried to imitate mother and happened to fell in this trap, though quite unbecoming of.
She has no time to be with daughter; she was always waging war against nothing, enjoying life without fetters.
While her husband facing financial troubles, she simply kicked him out, I fear she might have received money from the rapists, that's why she is now silent .

No Madam, she is extremely stupefied , upset upon this mishap, all of us are vulnerable, please...secretary intervened
Wife shouted , I won't sign in it, am not a flirt and my daughter won't fell in to such traps. She was always against to my spiritual-moral-yoga classes; a feminist meimsaab
my wife can't hide her contempt

They looked at me; I sighed , the sign of helplessness.
After their departure once again I filled the glass and lit a cigarette.
Abhijith, our second son, 7th standard student, arrived after Tennis Coaching class, now time is nearing 07 00 PM, by 07 00 TV news will start.
Papa where is Anu?
Anu is our first daughter, studying in 10th standard, now gone to attend Yoga class for brain nourishment, running by Maharshi Aathmananthji.
Suddenly father-in-law started to cough, quite irritating...
Wife went inside, to care him.
Papa why can't we call that Vet again?
You mean Vetenary Doctor?
Yes
Why?
Last time he came to give an injection to our ailing dog to kill it, why can't we try it on grandpa too?
Oh! Abhi it's illegal, don't say it to Mamma.
The clock announced 07 00, I switched on the TV.
Welcome to News Hour, newsreaders Deepthy Jain and Amar Ali Khan greeted.
Let us move to the top hot story!
Sunayana Sharma is pregnant.
The Indi Pop Diva and up coming film actress Sunayana Sharma is pregnant
Last night she had a secret consultation with gynecologist Dr Lalith Bhargava, last evening she fell fainted on the stage during performance. She has cancelled her every program for the next one week. When contacted her secretary has categorically denied the news and denied it as baseless.
Now a video clipping of a song from Sunayana's latest Album ' living with fools ' shown on TV
She started to sing and dance

fun is so thrilling
life is so chilling
forget the living
dance with me
.................................
Papa is it true, why not they use condom?
Abhi they are creating news, may be a publicity stunt of Sunayana
Why papa?
Her recent track records are not so promising, may be an attempt to win attention.
Papa, when you made mamma pregnant, did they announce it on TV?
Wife suddenly vanished from the room, and I didn't answered.
Deepthi Jain giggled, and announced
We are conducting an opinion poll
If you think Sunayana is pregnant send SMS 'TS space A'
If you think this news is baseless send SMS 'TS space B'
Ten lucky winners will be awarded Sunayana's latest Album ' living with fools '

After a short commercial break this news will resume
Welcome back to the News Hour
Today is golden day to our economy. The stock exchange index has crossed the 20000point. Today it begun with 19672 points and reached the height 20314 points and by the closing it slightly reduced 20289 points.
The Union Finance and Commerce Minister said it will boost our economy and will change the face of our nation. He further added we are going to a major, key player in the world economy.
……………………………….
Papa why not you go to the club today to play Bridge ?
Oh! Am not interested
Driver told me, yesterday you lost 15000/_ at club, really?
Don't shout, mamma will kill me
Papa my pocket money is finished, I want more
Last week I gave you Rs 2000/-
Ya, papa I want more, just Rs 3000/-
My cell phone started to ring, Abhi it took it and gave me
Papa who is this Mln, your new girl friend?
I looked at the cell phone screen, oh! Its Malini and gone out to talk, I have told her many times not to call me while am at home, but…
……………………………………………
Papa who is she, I won't tell it to Mamma
Oh! She is our new Deputy General Manager, I fibbed

A six-member family has committed suicide by consuming pesticide at ………. The opposition has demanded the Chief Minister's resignation, and the Chief Minister termed this demand as politically motivated naivety.
The eminent agricultural-economist and adviser to Prime Minister Dr. Kubera Patnaik is in the studio, the viewers can now talk with him, dial No:…………..
Viewer: Sir Iam Viswanath from Warangal
Dr. Kubera Patnaik: Yes, please come to the point
Viswanath: Today our stock exchange index has crossed the 20000 mark, but the suicides of farmer families are on the rise, who are the real beneficiaries of this economic growth? Is it really growing?
Dr. Kubera Patnaik: Actually these are two different matters, the growth of economy is a reality while these suicides are purely based on mental depression, an illusion; we can't co relate.
Viswanath: Oh! Why do this kind of mental depression haunting the majority people of this nation? Is there any solution for this?
Dr. Kubera Patnaik: A group of Psychologists were entrusted to study this factor, and upon their report the Govt. is planning to launch a new project ' karshaka mano veerya vardhini ' next week, around Rs 20000/- million has allotted for it initially. This project is aimed to develop the mental courage of the farmers by propaganda against suicide through NGOs. And on study 78.43% of these suicides are by consuming Pesticides, the Govt. has decided to impose 2500% duty on Pesticides, with a view to reduce the suicide rate by not making available pesticides farmers.
Viswanath: You nonsense, idiot! You people, thankless creepers; are the real Cancer of this society…suddenly the telephonic conversation ended.

Papa... if these farmers hang, do they rise the price of cloths? Why they ended the telephonic conversation abruptly
Abhi…the caller was trying to deviate from the point on discuss to politics
Oh! Politics.. shit…the banal absurd subject, he said indifferently
Abhi...those who commit suicide will go to hell, wife added.
Mamma so actually they are from hell to hell, na?

The ………….state students are on strike in protest to the suicide of 9th standard schoolgirl due to not paying the examination fee Rs30/-
-------------------------------------
If she didn't have exam fee, why should she went to school, than going to work? In these days getting a housemaid is not so easy, wife commented.
The violent scenes of students strike is now on TV.
Suddenly it stopped and the readers announced,
The Breaking News,
 wait for a live telecast after a short commercial break……….. Welcome back to News Hour, now a woman is being raped at Railway Station Park by four armed rapists, our correspondents Mausumi Dalai, Arpitha Roy and Rahul Bose are covering the event,
Mausumi Dalai! What is happening there?
Around the scene there is huge crowd witnessing it from a safe distance, now her crying has become too low
Is there anybody to save the woman?
The rapists threatening others with gun
Arpitha is directing and Rahul operating the Camera.
They started to show the scene; there is a crowd around it, the face of the rapists are not clear, two of them are threatening the crowd with gun and guarding their fellow rapists. The victim and two others are on the ground.
Camera turned to cover the whole ground.
The trees in the park are filled with spectators.
Smoke is rising from the other side of the ground, seems to be vagabonds camp.
Mausumi! Is there no Police?
No, some has already contacted them
Ok, what is the response of spectators?
Mausumi to a spectator Sir What do you feel?
It is very shameful to civil society, am sorry too busy and he walked away
To a person walking ' Madam your response?'
Iam not sure what's happening here, I have to catch the next train , sorry am busy
To another
Hey! This may be some woman belongs to the vagabonds camp, wretched fellows, wife added.
Arpitha turned the Camera to the scene
An young girl is shouting, pelting stones at the rapists and they shot her
She started to cry loudly in fear and pain and is running to the vagabond's camp
Pappa, Mamma is asking the remote control
Do not change the channel
Its too boring Pappa
He left to his room to play Computer games
Hey, see, the vagabonds are rushing
Mausumi what is happening there?

The vagabonds are rushing to the scene with firewood, cudgels, and stones
The rapists started to shoot at them; some fell down others covered the scene
Nothing could be seen now, bur loud voice
The camera crew moves forward, close shot scenes of
Vagabonds are attacking the rapists violently, some started to nurse the victim, washing her blood stained face
Hey look! Her class teacher is among the crowd
Oh it's Malini! She is trying to call some one on cell phone
Suddenly my cell phone started to ring
Yes, Malini is calling me
Sir , our Anu
Anu?
Hey, it is our Anu, wife started to cry loudly.

Life

A play ground to courageous
A burden to pessimist
All those dwell in joy or agony
Will depart one day, to meet eternity.
Those who Live, bold and cheerful
Will never fed up with failures, ordeals, nor
Will get intoxicated with success
Will enjoy the game fully;
and will die only once.

Those who cry always in despair
Won't saw flower but thorns
Can't live in present but past, and
Will die miserably every moment.

Despair the Dead Sea, can't drawn the happiness in life
Though swallowed by Black Sea of ordeals
The joy of Life will rise luxuriantly
Magnificently, like Phoenix.

Zeenath

Love and friendship know no barriers; nor does a courageous person who faces life.

On the first day of June, in 1977, I stood in front of Zeenath's house with my books in my right hand and an umbrella in my left. Rain poured in hard. My voice in the rain, sounded strange to my ears as I called out,

“Zeenath! Zeenath!”

And yet there was no sight of her. I heard the school bell warn me that it was time. But I had no heart to go without her. So I waited in front of her impoverished house.
After sometime, a lady appeared at the verandah and called out to me.

“Zeenath is ill. She isn’t going to school today.” That was her mother.

We hadn’t met for the past few days because I was at my ancestral home.She must have caught cold. Or at least that was what her mother told me. Unable to come up with any other reason due to which she would’ve missed school, I proceeded to my first day in the Seventh standard.

The next evening was rather uneventful. I brushed through my new text books and note books and hoped that Zeenath would come.
And there she was! She was dressed in a pink blouse and white skirt, and a black shawl covered her beautiful long shiny hair.

“How are you?”, she asked me.
“How are you?”, I responded. “Your mother told me you aren’t well.”
“I’m allright, now.”

“So, you will come to school tomorrow? You missed a lot!”

I could hardly hide my excitement on seeing my best friend. I wanted to tell her everything that had happened on the first day. I wanted her to share all the news. But she was silent.

“Zeenath?”

Zeenath sat down beside me. She gave a melancholy sigh. And then she started to wept painfully.

God! I thought. What on earth could be causing her such pain? That was the first time I saw Zeenath crying. Crystal-clear teardrops flowed down her chubby cheeks. She put her palms over her eyes, tried to dry her cheeks and sobbed loudly.

“What is the matter, Zeenath?” I asked her slowly.

“I will not go to school anymore, Raj! Umma forbade me. I will see no more of our friends.”

It took me a few minutes to grasp what she said. My jaw fell open in wonder. Why? Before I could ask her why, she gave me the answer.
“I am grownup. Grownup girls don’t go to school. Umma says so.”

“But Marium Beevi, our head mistress, a grownup. Our science teacher, Sameera Beevi is a grownup.”

She nodded vigorously in agreement. “I asked Umma the same but she beat me”. Saying so, she broke into fresh sobs of pain. “She said they are doing it against the will and decree of Allah!”

She gasped for breath and then asked me,” Penkuttiyolu padichaal Daivathinu enthada?( Why is God against female education?)”

Did my throat dry up or did I really have no answers? I said nothing. I didn’t quite understand her questions. All that I realized was the scary fact that I shall never walk to school with her again nor will I ever share her books or pencils.


She sighed again and stopped crying. She took my English textbook in her hands, opened it and enjoyed the fragrance of it. She carefully examined my new pen and wrote my name on the first page of all my notebooks. She threw one last fleeting glance at my books and exclaimed,

“Ankuttyolu bagyavanmarada! ( boys are lucky)”




Zeenath's father was a small fish vendor and her mother managed their home. Her elder brother was a laborer. We met each other, occasionally. So often she would come to my home that my mother would make special snacks for her. Zeenath was her pet.

And when I fell ill, I borrowed notes from my class mates and she copied them for me. She frequently played my teacher and asked me questions on the subject. I knew that she missed her school very much. Yet not once did she lament on her mischance. Not once did she look upon me with envy. She stood by me whenever I needed her. She was my best friend.

Days rolled by at lightning speed and my annual examination was over. My friends and I anticipated a very hot and exciting summer vacation.

One day, Zeenath came to me and said, “Guess what, my marriage is fixed!”
“What?”

“Are you deaf? I am getting married!” Zeenath laughed in glee.

“You are getting married?” I tried not to sound disappointed.

“Yes! I am marrying a Sheik from Arabia and I will go to there!”

Zeenath looked excited. In her eyes I saw rainbows of colourful dreams and hopes. I saw her heart leap in elation. I shrugged in my mind. Maybe she is happy. Maybe this is good news. But why am I so unhappy? I thought.

My fallen spirits sunk deep into pits of terror and shock when one day, I over heard my parents talking.

“It is not marriage!” said mother. “They are selling the poor girl to an old nasty Arab. She would be one amongst his many wives. And in return he would pay them huge amounts, repair their home, and give her brother a visa."

After marriage, I never saw her for many months. I learned she that she was in Hyderabad or in Mumbai.

Meanwhile, I went on to become a High School student. I fared better in studies now than I had always been. The desire to get into a professional college boosted my hunger for knowledge. I poured over books galore. And memories of Zeenath lay in a dusty corner of my preoccupied mind, although not forgotten yet blurred.

The Arab groom returned to his native place. He was true to his word. Zeenath’s brother got job abroad, her father bought a new bicycle to develop his fish business. They prospered in their own way. She also returned to her parental home but we seldom met.

Once during my busy schedule, I had a glimpse of Zeenath in front of her house. She had a broom in her hand and was sweeping the dry yellow leaves that continually fell from the neem tree in front of her house. As she did her work, she hummed a tune. Her belly had swollen to a great extent and she seemed in seventh heaven.

On the onset of Christmas holidays, I decided to relax a bit and enjoy the spirit of the season. Every house of the Christians in the neighbourhood shone with stars, lights and Christmas trees. We also had hung a nice red star infront of our house. My parents were out visiting some of our relatives. I closed my eyes and smiled in solace. It was nice to be alone for a few hours.

The sun had just gone down when I saw the silhouette of a woman walking into my courtyard. I knew who she was.

She smiled at me. I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do but her swollen belly attracted my attention. I struggled to pull my eyes off it.

"Do you want to see it?" she whispered to me and revealed her belly.

She asked me to wait. Suddenly, I saw it. A small part of the belly moved and formed a projection.

"He’s kicking me! He’s kicking me! “Her face glowed with a mixture of expressions.

She asked me to pat on her belly. At first I hesitated and then I did it.

She sat down near me. I looked at her tear-soaked face. Her lips quivered. I couldn’t resist my arms from holding her, nor from kissing her on her forehead. We were in a tight embrace. Our tears merged and my soul burnt in an inexplicable fire.
At last she spoke,

"Enne mozhi cholliyedaa"(I am divorced.)

Days passed by. I returned to my busy study routine but nothing was the same after that evening in the winter. Zeenath and I met frequently. Soon she gave birth to Salem.

He was a tiny little creature who was all smiles for everyone. His mother was full of praises for him. Zeenath was proud of his son.

One evening, she came into my room and as usual started to grope through my books. All of a sudden she asked me, “Ninakku paalu venoda? mulappalu? (wanna taste breast milk?)

Then, she stood up in front of me. I was sitting on my chair. She undid the buttons of her blouse and gave me her left breast. There were a few drops of milk on it. She held my cheeks in her fingers and pressed her breast into my mouth. I sucked it. She covered my head with both her arms and I hugged her.

I passed my pre-degree meritoriously. I achieved my lifelong dream of getting into a professional college. Things changed. Attitude changed. Status changed. Zeenath’s father’s business flourish and they improved financially. Her brother got married. They found a man for her, who agreed to marry her for a job visa. Zeenath vanished in her second husband's house.


After the completion of my Bachelor's Degree, I decided to put my dreams for higher studies on hold for a while. I looked for a work. Job-hunting wasn’t a pleasant thing yet I managed to grab an offer at a tuition centre.


One day, my mother told me that Zeenath was divorced again and was facing problems at her home. I went to meet her.


They were wealthy now. Her father started a fish stall at market and her brother started his own business abroad.



On seeing me, Zeenath’s face glowed with pleasant surprise. We smiled at each other. And she showed me her second baby, an angel. Neither of us spoke. Such was the strength of the ice that had formed between us.

Her mother and sister-in-law often came to the room and stole a glance or two at the two silent beings. Only the baby seemed unaffected by the loud silence that prevailed in the verandah.

All of a sudden, she asked “What are you doing now?”

“Teaching in a tuition home "
“Why not start one on your own?”
“It needs investment,” I replied.
She mused for a second.
“How much?”
“Around ten thousand, I suppose.”
She quickly went into the house and after a few minutes, came out with some jewelry. She showed them to me.
I gaped at her with disbelief.
“Take it.”
I shook my head.
“Take it, do what you might with it and start your own tuition home.”
“I can’t!”

“Why not? It is my property, mine alone. I can do whatsoever I want with it. Nobody can question me. If you won’t accept this, I will sell it and will give you the money.”
I eyed the windows of her house. I looked about if her parents were watching. I was purely frightened by her lack of fear.
“But you parents....”
"They are not my parents!” she exploded. “They’re sellers. They sold me. They sold me!”

I heard her sob but her eyes her dry. Perhaps there were no more tears in her eyes, to fall.
“For them, I never really existed,” she continued.” For them I was a coin. And now I have lost my worth. Now I am an abominable creature, because I am of no use to them.”
She paused. And then her voice dropped to inaudible decibels of sound.

“Before they sell my kids, I must escape. You are my friend, aren’t you? Will you help me?” she asked me.
As I looked into her eyes I saw that fear and urgency had displaced the joy and hopes I had seen in them years ago.
Am I her friend? What does friendship mean? Must I help her? How? What about me? I have a whole new world ahead of me. My life is full of harbingers of the prosperity of the years yet to come. Would the friendship with a woman forsaken by her kin do me any good? What will my parents say? What will my relatives say?

Relative! Parents! I recounted the troubles that they have been causing me from the day I started working. Images of those unhappy moments with my family passed in front of my eyes. Money was all that everybody wanted. The meaning of friendship dawned within my mind and all those sad visuals dissolved away. I saw that unfortunate woman standing before me. She had asked for no money. She needed no material benefits. All she asked for was love. All that she needed was a true friend.
You are my friend, aren’t you?
The jewelry was sold, a home was rented and tuition home started. Obstacle materialized in the form of our parents, relatives and religion. Yet her courage and strong will kept us going. We started a shop for stationeries. Our tiny business flourished.
When she became 5-years-old, we took Zeenath’s daughter to go a school.
“What's the name of student?”
I replied " Zehrazaad "
She asked me in amusement, " Zehrazaad? "
Yes, the narrator of Arabian Nights and the name was approved of.

Together we ran that our shop for around ten years. During that period, I got married. Blessings were poured over us aplenty. I got a government job and had to move to different places with family. The book shop which the two of us had started, was now moved to a better building and was run by her son, Salem.
All the while Zeenath and I kept in touch.
Years rolled by. People grew old, hair grew grey and children grew up. One year ago, Zeenath telephoned me and asked to meet her immediately.

I walked into the room in the hospital where she was admitted. Her face was only an echo of a beautiful girl of the yesteryears. She looked weak.
"I have breast cancer,” she said.
“No!”

“Yes,” she said. She was calm and quite. Yet in her eyes I saw heights of bliss that I never saw in so many years.
The treatment started. An surgery was done and her left breast was removed. On recovering consciousness, she asked the others to leave the room.
She held out her hand to me. I took that pale hand softly and kneeled down beside her bed.
"Do you remember the taste of my milk?”
I looked at her in silence, she squeezed my hand tight for some time.

Two months back, I learned her condition was deteriorating. I was in no mood to meet her at her death bed. Often she telephoned me. My wife went in my stead to nurse her. I gave lame excuses to avoid a meeting with her.
One day she telephoned me.
"Do you want to see me alive or not? "
I went to the hospital to meet a skeletal, mirthful and confident being, lying in the bed. I looked around to find her parents and her relatives.

On seeing me, she asked me to sit and asked me to do necessary legal formalities to donate her eyes.
And she asked all to leave the room, save me. When we were alone, she asked me to close the room and to sit near her. I helped her sit up in her bed and then did as I was told.
She leaned on my chest and sat comfortably.
“If you remember that song, please sing it again. "
“Which one?”
“The one you used to tease me when you learnt I am getting married.”
Tears blurred my vision. I cleared my hoarse throat and sang.
"Ramzaniley chandrikayo
Rajanee gandhiyoo
Arabi penkodee, azhakin poompodee
Aaru nee, aaru nee

[Are you the Ramzan cresant, or

the flower that blossoms in the night?

Hey you charming Arabian girl! Who are you?]

All of a sudden she interrupted.
"njan aarado thanikku?” (Who am I to you?)

And she wept. Our cheeks joined and tears flowed together. I hugged her tight to my chest.
I put a hand full of soil on her, and watched her disappeared into the Earth. I returned with heavy steps. A large nimbus floated above me. It stared at me for a few moments, trying to decide whether or not to rain. And then it precipitated down in to the craving land, burying my solemn tears in its massive drops.

Cancer Ward

I opened my mailbox and opened messenger in invisible mode, all friends are invisible; gone to stealth settings and made myself visible to few.
Pappa! Mamma has severe body pain and fever, daughter Chithra announced!
Bettie, pappa has to send serious mail to head quarter, so please do the needful
Pappa, I have to go college we have practical
{hey I am too busy, today is Mukesh’s birthday, before Swetha and Kiran catch him, and I have to be there}
Oh! Bettie, Iam so busy, give her a paracetamol and go to College.
Shall I take Zen?
Ok, ok
Iam so relaxed by disposing her, so easily.

Nobody is sending messages, so I opened my mailbox.
Oh! Too many mails, first opened of Sandhya
My sweetie!
Honey, how are you?
Why are you so busy, not sending me mails, am so bored, you are not loving me, where has gone your enthusiasm? Why are you dear not sending me mails?
……………………………………….
With lots of sweet kisses
{hey sandhya, first you give me your cell phone number, don’t think you can fool me with sweet words}

Sandhya my honey!
Iam too busy, on business tour and usually have no internet access, if you have telephone number, I will surely contact every day. Every day I think of you, I miss you dear too much. You are sweet, mera sapanom ka rani !
Suddenly message appeared from Hema..
Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fine and you?
Not bad, winter, tooooo cold
Shall I come there to make you warm
COOL not now, are you so hot, dear?
When you are alone and in winter, how can I be cool
Where is your wife?
I told you, am unmarried, did you forget?
Oh! Iam sorry
Hey Hema! I am at office, boss calling me, C U later

I went to stealth settings and changed my presence invisible to her

Oh!!! An SMS on cell phone, from Jyothi…I will be at cafeteria New Life, this evening by 6, hope to meet you, give miscall for ok, and when leaving home.
All of sudden I gave her miss call.

Pappa! Mamma is shivering with fever, and saying some thing in delirium; it’s our son Aadithya
Betta, Iam in serious discussion with my boss, give that tablet once again
If possible you take her to hospital, this evening I have an important appointment.
Pappa, naukar will look her, I have to present an important thesis today itself
{ hey pappa, I have date with Madhubala on this noon}

Another message pop up suddenly, from Mausumi
Hi!!!!!!!!!!
how are you honey? I feel not well
what happened to you honey? Iam so sorry dear
heavy head ache
didn’t you take any pill? Why not you apply pain balm?
now I feel relaxed darling
plz open your web cam honey; let me see you
cam is not fixed, wanna cum to fix?
sure! I love to cum
me too wish to meet you honey, will send my photo later
shall I come to fix it dear?
{color green] do you really fix?
color blue] ya, honey, how is your headache, now?
hey man, wait; one day, one day, when my hubby is not here, we can meet, I really like your caring
ok, dear, see you later
where are you disappearing?

And I continued checking emails.
Saab…Meimsaab is not well, is she sleeping or unconscious? please do check it, I am so anxious on her condition
Oh! You, she is sleeping, don’t worry, get me a cup of coffee
She went in and I shut down the computer.
Saab! Meimsaab is not breathing! Please Saab, please
what nonsense, meimsaab, meimsaab! I have to meet Jyothi after an hour
see, she is sleeping, I have an important official meeting, tell about it to Chithra or Aadithya
Saab, if you give me some money, I will get the doctor
O’ you are so smart, trying to extort money from me, ha, ha, I will give you money, not now
nothing to worry about, wait till Chithra or Aadithya come
And I took my cell phone and gave miscall to Jyothi.

Mamma!

When the night thicken
two small, hapless-tired eyes
searched to findout
Mamma...
among the stars
One smiled at
from far away

Mamma!
when the blues
emerges from the palate
I walk through thorns
hands in hands with
Despair
in dismay
The life
the most disloyal
uncertain vessel
tries to vomit me out
am searching in vain
steady seamanship
to sail smooth
I speak to you of words
desolate, derelict
frozen by
stupefying silence
to condensed tear drops
mamma...Mamma...

Am I stranger to you?

I became rainbow for you
And you closed your eyes
I became a melodious song
And you shut your ears.
I became a bed of roses on your path
And you changed your path
I became spring for you
And you took asylum in winter.
I came to your night
With gentle chillness of moon light
Whisperings of night rain
Fragrance of night flowers
Melodious song of Night lark
Stars to guard you,
andI became sweet dreams for you
but you stopped sleeping.
I saw you wandering through the Streets of love
I rushed to you to hold your hands
You vanished in thin air.
When I became shelter
You went to the streets of uncertainty to strand
When I came to you with love
You ran away,
as if I were an abhorrible stranger.
I was stupefied on your attitude
I was burnt on your neglect
I forget my songs
I lost my soul.
My hopes are vanished
My dreams are shattered
My heart is dead
My life is still.

flickering Lamp

abandoned
betrayed even by his own shadow
crucified
helpless
lonely
ridiculed
standing alone under the avalanche of insult and torture
the outcast is banished to an obscure islet

darkness
darkness of the sea without salt
devouring me from all sides
with the delight of a leopard

oh! father
where art thou?
am i not thy beloved?
why art thou silent?

if it is thy wish
let me fall and dissolve into thee
thee
the only superior
my beloved
thy wish is mine too and must be performed
i am nothing but a flickering lamp powered by thy providence

Hold my hand and guide me to the right path

O’ my beloved father
Charmer of souls
Healer of wounds
Asylum to all!

Make my soul your abode
Fill my heart with selfless love
Make my life your garden of blessings
Fill my mind with serene joy.

In the moments of despair
In the days of confusion
When I wander helplessly through the sea of darkness
Guide me to safe shore of Good hope.

O’ my eternal friend
Infinite light
Singer of ever lasting love
Destroyer of ego.

Teach me to love everybody, as I love you
Teach me to serve all, as I serve you

O’ embodiment of love
Awaken my heart, arouse my soul
Ignite my darkness; tear the veils of my ignorance
And fill me with your divine love